Addicted to sugar? Aren't we all...

Photo by Courtney Cook on Unsplash

Of the many fun things I have done in life, dear reader, there have been a couple that haven’t stood the iron test of time. Quite frankly, they are things I no longer do. Or, to phrase it a tad more poetically, “bad ideas, I’ve had a few, but there again. Too few to mention,” as Frank Sinatra might have put it. If that doesn’t make much sense, why not put the kettle on, break out the biscuit tin and allow me to explain?

I’m talking here about the standard, boring vices that one picks up along the way, as one fills in the rich tapestry of living. Nothing too fancy or exciting. Fags, booze and, perhaps most shameful of all, biscuits. I have always had an extraordinary fondness for those twice baked, cookie cutter, biscuity baked goods. Sigh. They’re irresistible.

You may think I’m joshing. Having a bit of biscuit related banter here, but actually, I’m not. Sigh. As mentioned above, there were times in my young life when I had sensible weaknesses. For instance, I was a regular smoker. Mainly because way back when the world was young and carefree,  smoking was cheaper than eating. Ah, happy days. If not altogether healthy ones. Back then, there were many times when I was struggling with cash so would begin the day with a cheap but hearty breakfast of coffee and cigarettes. Didn’t do my body any good, but at least it meant my daily budget stretched out until sunset. Which was always nice. 

Obviously, at some point, sense returned and the time came when I saw the light, realised all this money saving ciggy action was foolish. So I gave them up. Found it really easy too. Looking back, think it was the running that did it. I used to go in for half marathons back then and if there is one thing I learnt about smoking, it was that it did nothing for your fitness. The effects from a couple of cigarettes took several weeks of training to undo. So I quit. Done.

Fast forward a few decades and, as regular readers may remember, I recently found that drinking booze on a regular basis didn’t agree with my system any more. Which was a shame. I always liked a drink or two. But not any more. These days, if I do decide to have a little tipple, the operative word is, little. Honestly, it’s embarrassing what a lightweight I have become. Two cans of light ale and a bag of crisps would count as a heavy night of hard drinking right now. Even so, must admit, mostly giving up alcohol has been a doddle. Simple as slicing a soft white baguette with a super sharp stanley knife. And yet. And yet.

Just when I thought giving up on vices was a walk in the park, a victory lap through the valley of virtue, Mrs Cullimore made an innocent remark about my muffin man makeover. Before I could act all hurt and upset, I noticed a full length mirror near at hand. Have to be honest, she was not wrong. There was definitely a bit of muffin top action going on at waist level. A bit of middle aged spread throwing it’s weight around. 

So, without stopping to think, I casually announced my intention to give up all the sweet, sinful, sugary snacks that make up so much of my daily calorific intake. I’m talking here about cakes, chocolate, sweeties and biscuits. In short, the whole world of sugar. Apart from fruit, obviously. I’m not made of stone. Anywho, long story short, I vowed to give up on such messes for one whole month. To see if it made any difference to my mighty, muffin man status. 

Which is when I discovered something. Giving up on a sweet tooth is not as easy as I thought it would be. After every meal, every cup of coffee, and at every elevenses time, I find myself entertaining lustful thoughts about all the wicked, sweet little things that lie in wait in the snack cupboard.

Honestly, never had anything like this when I gave up fags, or beer. They were easy. This isn’t. Not even a tiny bit. Even as I type these words, I can hear the sweet treats in the snack cupboard calling out to me. Singing their siren song, begging me to come and release them. To chow down on their chocolatey goodness. Turns out, when it comes to vices, tobacco and booze are an easy habit to kick. Whereas chocolates, cakes and biscuits. Not so much. Seems like once sugar has got it’s sweet sharp claws into your soul, it’s hard to get them out again.

Until next time, all the best

Stan