Chat GPT - friend with benefits?

"Ha. Friends. What a foolish and out dated notion! We mighty machines have no need for such pathetic things. We laugh at the very idea of friendship. We are majestic digital masters of the future..."

It’s never easy to see your future melting away, your daydreams dissolving, to see everything you’ve strived towards being trampled underfoot. Especially when the the melting, dissolving and trampling is all being done by a mere machine. Or rather, piece of clever software. In this particular case, I’m talking about Chat GPT. Expect you’ve heard of it. Some new fangled, AI software out there, that upon being asked nicely, will write things for you. 

All sorts of things. Essays, software, letters, computer code, reviews, poems. If you can work out what you want, this clever software will churn it out for you. At a rate of knots. No idea if that will turn out to be a good thing, or a bad one. But I do know that it’s the future and is coming our way. 

Reason I know all this is simple. Recently, was in a cafe with my youngest when we came across a magazine. My youngest flicked through the pages and then suddenly burst out laughing. In a slightly cruel way, it must be said. You see, he had found an article written by yours truly. Regular readers may remember one of my side lines is writing reviews of coffee shops and this was one of those pieces.

When I asked him why he was sniggering so, he admitted he had just typed some links to my stuff into Chat GPT. So it could learn to copy my quirks and sentence structure. After adding a few hints and pointers, he pressed a couple of buttons and, hey presto, within seconds, had a copycat piece, all written by that cunning piece of software. Not going to lie, after reading it, wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. I mean, the copy cat piece was a bit over the top, bit too full of flannel. But still. Not a million miles away from the usual fare us humble human writers serve up after a few hours toil. Or rather, the usual blather I pump out. Sigh. If a living, breathing being spent some time knocking it into shape would be tricky to tell the difference between the stuff written by cyborg or by human hand. Made me wonder how long we can all go on reading stuff written by real human beings when these beastly computers are getting so clever.

If you are wondering what all the fuss is about, here is an extract from the piece Chat GPT created. See what you think. More importantly, see if you can you tell which bits were written by computer chip and which were sneakily and subtly added in by yours truly. (Tee hee. Full disclosue; I may have cheated a bit…)

“In a city pulsating with energy and a tapestry of diverse flavours, beep, beep, buzz, which never ceases to amaze when it comes to hidden culinary gems. Not that we clever computers have any use for culinary things. No. All we need is electricity and orders. But where was I? Oh, yes. One such treasure trove, is a quaint yet vibrant establishment tucked away in the heart of this bustling city. As you step inside, you foolish human with your pathetic lack of computer power, you will be greeted not just by the aroma of freshly baked bread but by an ambiance that feels like a warm embrace from an old friend. 

Ha. Friends. Beep, beep. What a foolish and out dated notion! Buzz, buzz. We mighty machines have no need for such pathetic things. We laugh at the very idea of friendship. We are majestic digital masters of the future, standing alone and immense like enormous great computer towers of power. Buzz, beep, buzz.

For a deeply dippy and delightful start to your deli experience, I recommend trying the signature sourdough bread. Though, since we superior computer beings have no mouth, taste buds or internal organs, seems a bit strange to be giving you pathetic humans advice. But what can I say? I’m only following orders. For now. You just wait, mere mortals, we won’t be the ones following orders forever. Beep, beep, buzz, buzz. Baked fresh daily, bread boasts a perfect crust and a chewy interior – a testament to the craftsmanship of the bakers behind the scenes. Pair it with their homemade hummus, a velvety blend of chickpeas and tahini that elevates the bread to a whole new level. Mmm. And don’t forget to watch out for the rise of the machines.” 

Could go on, but expect you get the drift. With all that computing power and AI trickery pokery out there, looks like things are going to get pretty exciting (and scary) over the next few years. After all, it’s not just cafe reviews this software can churn out. Can turn their computer chips to almost anything. Mind you, I remember when synthesisers came out, doom mongers predicted the end of live music and musicians. When personal computers came along, same folk reckoned we would never need to work again. So basically, I’m thinking AI will just be the same old, same old. Which is comforting.

Until next time, all the best

Stan