Home truths ... and saunas

Thoughts from the sofa

Some years ago, come to think of it, more like, some decades ago, I used to play football on a Monday evening. Sigh. Very happy days they were too. Anyway, back then we had a routine. A carload of blokes would assemble and drive out of town for a friendly game with mates. Along the way, during the car ride, we would discuss the important issues of the day. One of my mates had a great conversational gambit, he would ask the rest of us just what we had learnt that week. Always a good way to get the chatterbox juices going.

Thought I would take a trip down memory lane and tell you, dear reader, what simple yet fascinating truths I have learnt over the last couple of weeks. It all began when Mrs Cullimore and I had to make an unexpected dash up to Scotland. It’s a long drive and an equally long story, so I won’t bore you with details. Main thing is, I ended up being old, free and single for a few days up there whilst my other half sorted out some stuff. Those few days taught me the following simple truths.

Truth No.1 - I always used to think that the drive from my house up to see my parents made an overcoat of difference. If I set off from home with T-shirt and shorts, by the time I got up to Birmingham, I would need to change into jumper and jeans. Well, turns out going all the way up to Scotland and expecting an overcoat to make any difference whatsoever is a foolish thing. Very foolish indeed. I took my biggest, baddest winter parka coat with me, one that is designed to survive the severest of Scandinavian winters. It’s got a special lining, special warm bits and an extra enormous furry type hood. Sadly, despite all of that good stuff, it didn’t even touch the sides when it came to cutting out the cold. Brrr. I was frozen.

Truth No.2 - what did make a difference with my winter parka, however, were the wise words of an old friend. Just before we set off up north, she told me those furry type hoods that look so nice and fluffy on coats are not actually supposed to be worn the way I always wear them. That is to say, with the nice and fluffy bits hanging around on the outside of the hood looking lovely. No. The correct way to wear a fluffy fur type hood, is to tuck the furry bits inside the hood, so they frame your face from within the hood. Keeping out those cold draughts, winds and breezes which sap your soul and freeze your freckles. Must say, that old friend was entirely correct. I tucked up the furry bits inside the hood and soon found myself cosy and warm within my winter parka. Great stuff. Would thoroughly recommend anyone to give it a go if they ever find themselves in possession of a coat with a fluffy, furry hood on a cold winter’s day.

Truth No.3 - saunas. They’re awesome. That’s it. That’s the truth, that’s the message. Seems to be that these days, wherever you go on this fair isle of ours, some bright spark will have set up a sweet little, outdoor style sauna within sight of a beach. Happened to me. And it was fabulous. There I was, freezing my socks off in the weak Scottish sunshine, staring at the sea and wishing I could go for a swim without getting hypothermia, when all of a sudden. Bam. I bumped into a sauna. Just sitting there looking pretty by the water’s edge. So I booked myself in, went for a sea swim and spent a most delightful hour sitting in the sauna afterwards. Sweet perfection.

Truth No.4 - it really is a small world. At one point, I was strolling along what seemed to be a completely desolate piece of coastline. It was deserted. No-one around. Or so I thought. If there had been a host of daffodils, I would have been wandering around lonesome as a cloud. But then I turned a corner and found a bloke staring at the horizon. Rather than bumping into him, I chose to chat. Within moments we discovered that he used to live just up the road from me, many, many moons ago when I lived in Yorkshire. So we went for a most marvellous stroll together, all the way up the the nearest nuclear power station. Which was another unexpected addition to the day.

So, there you have some of the simple truths that have recently been brought to my attention. Must say, my favourite was the one about the fluffy, furry hood bits. It’s a game changer.